tired... at last
Last night I finally felt tired and it was wonderful.
I've been having long days and nights with music over the last few weeks as I've been finishing a project and it has been really absorbing. I lost track of myself and my normal schedules and habits. That's the way with music sometimes and it's great, an intense experience, but when it's over it leaves you wasted. You know that feeling when you've been working so hard at something and have been completely absorbed by it? Pushing yourself towards the end and not thinking about anything except finishing it? You live by each day and take rest when you can, you don't stop at night and end up awake in the wee hours. Then you sleep later through the morning and get up and start again.
You know that difference between feeling exhausted and wired and feeling really tired? I finished the project and took two days off at the weekend doing nothing - I was exhausted and my body was an agitated mess, not used to taking time off. I couldn't sleep normally and couldn't sit still. I was edgy, rushing eating, not being able to read, feeling stressed for no reason. Finally after the buffer of those two days I started to feel really tired yesterday and able to release myself to it. It was strange but it felt so good, quite lush. I bumped into a friend on the high street and she said I looked so tired. I said "Yes, I feel tired at last and it's such a relief", smiling and knowing that I would finally be able to get a good night's sleep...
